cds0528
Researcher
Location: other side of the world
Registered: 6/27/2006
Warnings: 0
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If Operating Systems ran the airlines...
this was on digg- http://www.zyra.org.uk/os-air.htm
UNIX Airways
Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.
Air DOS
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on...
Mac Airlines
All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.
Windows Air
The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.
Windows NT Air
Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.
Windows XP Air
You turn up at the airport,which is under contract to only allow XP Air planes. All the aircraft are identical, brightly coloured and three times as big as they need to be. The signs are huge and all point the same way. Whichever way you go, someone pops up dressed in a cloak and pointed hat insisting you follow him. Your luggage and clothes are taken off you and replaced with an XP Air suit and suitcase identical to everyone around you as this is included in the exorbitant ticket cost. The aircraft will not take off until you have signed a contract. The inflight entertainment promised turns out to be the same Mickey Mouse cartoon repeated over and over again. You have to phone your travel agent before you can have a meal or drink. You are searched regularly throughout the flight. If you go to the toilet twice or more you get charged for a new ticket. No matter what destination you booked you will always end up crash landing at Whistler in Canada.
Linux Air
Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself.
When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"
[these were late additions by people in the thread on the digg story, weren't actually in the article:]
Windows Vista Airlines
You enter a good looking terminal with the largest planes you have ever seen. Every 10 feet a security officer appears and asks you if you are "sure" you want to continue walking to your plane and if you would like to cancel. Not sure what cancel would do, you continue walking and ask the agent at the desk why the planes are so big. After the security officer making sure you want to ask the question and you want to hear the answer, the agent replies that they are bigger because it makes customers feel better, but the planes are designed to fly twice as slow. Adding the size helped achieve the slow fly goal.
Once on the plane, every passenger has to be asked individually by the flight attendants if they are sure they want to take this flight. Then it is company policy that the captain asks the passengers collectively the same thing. After answering yes to so many questions, you are punched in the face by some stranger who when he asked "Are you sure you want me to punch you in the face? Cancel or Allow?" you instinctively say "Allow".
After takeoff, the pilots realize that the landing gear driver wasn't updated to work with the new plane. Therefore it is always stuck in the down position. This forces the plane to fly even slower, but the pilots are used to it and continue to fly the planes, hoping that soon the landing gear manufacturer will give out a landing gear driver update.
You arrive at your destination wishing you had used your reward miles with XP airlines rather than trying out this new carrier. A close friend, after hearing your story, mentions that Linux Air is a much better alternative and helps you buy your return ticket home.
the planes are made completely out of glass that blurs the ground bellow you. Since the plane is made out of glass the plane is less aerodynamic and causes the plane to fly so slow it almost doesn't make it off the gronud.
There is also no first class and economy class but over 10 different classes, one for each of its different types of fliers. In the process, fliers are so confused about which class is for them they just decide to stick with XP airlines.
Ubuntu airlines
You have to fly somewhere and everyone you know is talking about ubuntu airlines. You decide to sell your ticket on XP Air and download your own ubuntu ticket. Once your on the airplane you install the seat you look around and notice that everything looks really nice, but when your inflight meal comes, instead of a the steak you ordered, you get a block of steak-flavored tofu. The stewardess explains that its just as good, you just have to get use to it. After you eat it, you notice its a little hot, so you turn on the air blower, but it falls apart in your hands. You ask for some help, but the stewardess just gives you vague details of how its supposed to work. You eventually fix it, but as you turn it on, your seatbelt unbuckles. You rebuckle it and your luggage falls out of the overhead compartment. When your flight lands to transfer planes at Dallas International Airport, you sell your ubuntu ticket and buy an XP ticket telling yourself how cool ubuntu air was and you vow to fly ubuntu... next time...
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"The glass is neither half-empty or half-full, it's twice as big as it needs to be." |
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